Welcome to Good Posture Academy

So you want to go into teaching, but you know that a public school isn’t the place for you as you have heard about these innovation-free zones where iron-clad union contracts prohibit teachers from staying after school. This fact, by the way, is documented by the forthcoming documentary film, “Won’t Back Down.” Well, there is good news. No longer do you have to settle for a LIFO life of low standards. Now, thanks to the MATCH Teacher Residency Program you can become a MATCH teacher and say goodbye to mediocrity forever.
 
 

Our program’s mission is to create “jaw-droppingly good” first-year teachers. Like, the best you’ve ever seen, ever. And we only have about 60 days in which to do it. In other words, in about 3 months time, spread over most of a year, we have to get our trainees from near-zero teaching skills/knowledge to, “WOW, that guy is amazing!…WHAT? He’s a first-year teacher? There are only two words for that: SERIOUSLY SHOCKING!”

What, you say? It sounds too good to be true? Well I suggest that you pour yourself a stiff drink—I’m recommending the Periodista today in honor of the real journalists we once had—and toast to the new paradigm. You see young reader, once upon a time there were these things called subjects and teachers had to first learn about them before embarking on their quest for life-long job guarantees. Fortunately, those days are over.

We are mainly training teachers for urban, No Excuses charter schools. Schools like Match, Roxbury Prep, Boston Collegiate, Edward Brooke, Boston Prep, KIPP, Achievement First, Uncommon Schools, Etc. Because we are training teachers to teach in a specific context, we are freed up to be much more specific and prescriptive in our training. That is, we can say, “We’re going to train you how to give a demerit correctly,” and it works because most of the schools we’re sending people to have a demerit or demerit-like management system. We can say, “You have to care about posture,” and it matches up with the expectations of most of the schools our people will end up in.”

I will let you consume the rest of MATCH’s outstanding marketing materials for yourself as I am now reading with one eye closed, if you know what I mean. For those of you who are currently enrolled in public schools or teaching there and hence cannot read at all, I recommend the following outstanding video of MATCH teachers in action. While you will not have the opportunity to see them issue demerits or witness their students’ remarkable posture, the video is eye opening nonetheless. You see, by by the end of this video, two thirds of these “jaw-droppingly good” teachers have quit–and another clearly has her eye on the door. Or as MATCH might say, There are only two words for that: SERIOUSLY SHOCKING!

6 Comments

  1. It looks like TFA may have some competition in the niche of sending underprepared white teachers into non-white urban schools. They even copied the high turnover rate!

  2. I didn’t realize Match was a real teacher training program until I watched the video. I thought you were just making fun of TFA. Even the video had a Michelle Rhee clone. I guess the edushysters are catching on to the teacher training cash cow. Watch out Wendy Kopp!

    1. That’s a tough one indeed! I would say offer a rerawd system for doing something right. I guess it also depends on the age. There’s so much a teacher has to do already, but she could add or implement some time of etiquette club or training at her school. Suggest it to the principal or the counselors. I think that meeting with all adults involved is a good idea to put into place an action plan, but you want something that is gonna be long term and help all students not just the trouble makers, per se.

  3. What I find interesting about the video is that when these people describe their wonderful teachers, they are describing teachers who I know in public schools, dedicated teachers who work though the night preparing for classes or grading papers, who come in early in the mornings to prepare for the day, who contact parents and guardians when there is a concern about the student and, something that is not stated in this video, pull money out of their own pockets to pay for books and other resources that they can use in their classes because the school district does not have the money to pay for these necessary items.

    Dora

    1. I’m not sure if there’s a school-based team (consisting of the techaer, school counsellor, vice principal etc) but I’d meet with them and discuss the issue and how best to approach the issue. Perhaps the child needs to spend some time with the school counsellor. Also, maybe have a meeting with the parents and the child. Let the child know that you have their best interest at heart and that you want the child to be their best self. Together with the child, create a contract with consequences. If they do this, they get ___ but if they don’t do it, they have something taken away like computer/tv time. But the parents also need to have some responsibility/consequences as well. By creating a contract together with the child, their input/negotion should encourage them to follow it. Sounds airy-fairy but it just might help. 🙂

  4. FIfteen years ago, I worked as a non-TFA beginning teacher in a school that had about six TFA-ers. The TFA-ers had about them this air of upper-caste status. The non-TFA-ers were the Untouchables. It literally felt as if the young brahmins were afraid to fraternize with the rest of us, lest the fall in the estimation of their fellow Superior Ones. This Manicheanism –KIPPster/TFAer=good; vet=bad –seems to infect a lot of these “reform” organizations.

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