The Koppitalist System

TFA, Koppitalism and the quest for global excellence

Koppitalism is increasingly global and relies upon a vast army of foot soldiers.

No doubt you are familiar with capitalism, the economic system that has more Facebook likes than any other. But another powerful profit-making system is also making some waves. Known as Koppitalism, it has much in common with its better known elder sibling. Like capitalism, Koppitalism is guided by an invisible hand and directs its benefits primarily to the less fortunate among us. The currency at the heart of Koppitalism is *excellence,* which is accumulated by individuals at the top of the excellence scale and then trickles down upon those who have the misfortune of living on the wrong side of the excellence gap. Now, like capitalism, Koppitalism is poised to go global, leveraging scalability on a global scale. Here’s a look…

Dear leader
No international movement would be complete without a charismatic leader. (See Donald, The). The global crusade for excellence, aka Koppitalism, is headed up by one Wendy Kopp, who got the idea for using to excellence to solve many of the world’s problem while being steeped in excellence at Princeton.

Mad corporate luv
Seed money for Koppitalism came from corporations including Mobil and Union Carbide (also known as Dow Chemical). These days the passion of corporations for enhancing educational excellence is matched only by their lust for tax avoidance.

Creative destruction
Where others see only despair, Koppitalism sees promise. Take Philadelphia, for example, where 23 public schools are closing and the School Reform Commission has just approved a doomsday budget that strips music, art and counselors from the city’s remaining public schools. Or as a Koppitalist might see it, progress.

Foot Soldiers
Capitalism’s army is known as the reserve army of the unemployed, and its ranks now include many former public school teachers who have been laid off due to insufficient funds or lack of excellence. The Koppitalist army by contrast consists of a core corps of excellence, now 28,000 strong. While length of service in the reserve army is long and growing longer, Koppitalist reserves serve for two years, then go on to become *leaders* and emissaries for the Koppitalist system.

Going global
Just as capitalism has a voracious global appetite that is rapaciously consuming the very planet we live on, Koppitalism is now a global force that cannot be stopped. Koppitalist outposts have sprung up in Latin America, Europe, the Middle East, China, even Latvia. And with the world population expected to reach upwards of 10 billion by 2100, the need for enhanced excellence is expected to skyrocket.

Haters gonna hate
While capitalism has long enjoyed a handful of vocal critics (see Marx, Karl and Movement, Occupy), Koppitalism also has a few loud-mouthed detractors. The Koppitalist critique is articulated primarily by *haters* who share a notable lack of excellence and suffer from exceedingly low expectations. While Koppitalism may have seen some shrinkage in its fan base due to recent instances of *brand tarnishing,* it is important to note that corporate luv remains undiminished. (See above).

Feature movie coming soon?
Capitalism is currently enjoying the Hollywood treatment and box office success thanks to Baz Luhrmann’s take on the Great Gatsby. But inquiring minds want to know: when will Koppitalism make its debut on the silver screen? More importantly, is there an actress with enough excellence to play the role of lead Koppitalist? And will Jay-Z reprise the all-star team of Fergie, Lana Del Rey, Beyonce Knowles and the former Mr. Shawn Carter himself to provide the soundtrack to Koppitalism’s inexorable triumph?

Are you a Koppitalist? Send comments, tips and extra excellence to tips@haveyouheardblog.com.

4 Comments

  1. How about Maggie Gyllenhaal for the actress with enough excellence to play the role of lead Koppitalist?

    1. That is an excellent suggestion! Maggie G also looks outstanding in a t-shirt (see fierce yet firm perkiness in Parent Trooper tee as pictured in “Won’t Back Down”)… I will put a call into her agent and see if she’s available 🙂

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