A Modest Proposal

A Call to Create “Charter” Police and Fire Stations, brought to you by Democrats for Public Safety Reform (DFPSR)

By Colum Whyte
The status quo is not working. “Something” has to be done. Generous direct “donations” from the Waltons and Kochs, as well as strong support from the American Enterprise Institute (AEI) have helped “Citizens First” realize our goals. Truly, public safety is a civil right; we shall overcome. Citizens First proposes a national movement to ensure that no citizen ever have to rely on union-stifled police officers or firefighter again. For too long the patrolman and firefighters unions have stifled innovation in our neediest municipalities. We need reform.

Studies show that the US is not safe, and we rank near the bottom of international rankings as defined by the Public Safety Metric (PSM). Bold action needs to be taken.

Citizens First, in conjunction with our affiliates at AEI, propose a trailblazing new vision of Public Safety Reform. Our lobbying networks have dubbed our reform efforts No Citizen Left Behind. Below is a synopsis of how our federal legislation will work to ensure national safety proficiency for all by 2025.

No Citizen Left Behind
Firstly, we will track all police stations and fire stations in every municipality in the United States. We will collect public safety data and then grade all states, cities, towns and municipal districts accordingly using our public safety metric (PSM) devised by public safety scientific experts. Underperforming police and fire stations will now be held accountable. As part of a “turnaround” plan these stations will receive a “fresh start.” All police officers and fire fighters will reapply for their positions. Department chiefs at these stations will hire no more than 50% of the former staff. Certainly, accountability will shake up the status quo.

Innovation Stations
Through this “incubator of innovation,” new charter stations will rise from the ashes. These charter stations will create a board of directors, most notably bankers and politicians who have no experience in police work or fire. These stakeholders will create charters that will operate outside the jurisdiction of traditional stations. “Police Facilitators” and “Fire Stoppers” will be non-stifled employees at will. Licenses, experience, pensions and pertinent training will no longer be a barrier for stakeholders to create a culture of innovative transformation. The charter board of directors will ensure that the safety improvement plan is carried out. In this way real accountability will be realized on a national level.

In order that this bold, innovative, and trailblazing venture be realized a few earmarks must be incorporated into NCLB. Most notably a corporate enterprise tax credit must be adopted in order to stimulate reform “buy in”. Listen up hedge funders! After NCLB passes, an enterprising tax loophole, which will benefit ALL citizens, will be enacted. Through venture philanthropy bankers can now raise money for their innovative charter stations. These monies can now be used as tax deductible donations for your “for profit” companies. Other benefits include real estate, building contracts, and inside knowledge of public-safety buying trends. We encourage all police and fire related corporate enterprises to hop on board this gravy train. If you don’t, one of our subsidiaries certainly will and you may be on the short end of our free market! Remember, SAFETY FIRST!

Colum Whyte has been a union-stifled teacher in the Boston Public Schools since 2004. Send comments to columwhyte@yahoo.com

2 Comments

  1. What a fantastic proposal. We can use bold ideas like these in Chicago too. Our underutilized firefighters are going to be walking children to school through gang-infested neighborhoods, but this is probably not sufficiently bold to overcome our crisis.

  2. I like that idea. Allow me to propose another one:
    I think doctors should be judged the same way. We need to use data based on how many of their patients have high blood pressure, diabetes, and are obese. If teachers are responsible for Achievement Test scores, doctors should be responsible for the patients’ health and be paid accordingly!!!

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