At Chicago Charters, Secret Sauce Now Available ‘To Go’

A leaked document from the Noble charter chain reveals a key ingredient in secret recipe

Today we turn our attention to secret sauce™. Otherwise known as the elixir of excellence, this mystery ingredient is precisely what allows academies of innovation to produce miraculous results with the exact same students stifled by our achievement-gap widening public schools. But from whence does this secret sauce come? And is this condiment of outstanding-ness available to go? Reader: grab extra napkins and unfasten your eat belts. The education rephorm express is headed to Chicago. Continue reading →

Don’t Back Down

Recent weeks have been tough on our good friends at Education Reform, Inc. So EduShyster offers some valuable advice: don’t back down. Take off the leashes and the muzzles and let us know how you REALLY feel.

So you’ve had a tough couple of weeks. First there was the whole Chicago strike thing— which Jonah and Bruce assured us would NOT happen. And what was with all of the parents saying that they supported those lazy LIFO lifer teachers??? Don’t the parents get that YOU’RE the ones who care about the kids? I mean your ads and websites are filled with cute pictures of minority kids excelling and traversing the achievement gap. Does that not count for anything???? Continue reading →

The Billionaire Boys Club

Jerry Johnson, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, has much in common with the hedge funders who are behind the corporate education reform movement.

What do the hedge funders and venture capitalists who have taken it upon themselves to dismantle improve America’s public schools have in common with the owners of the National Football League? For one, both are fabulously wealthy (see, for example, Johnson, Jerry or Rauner, Bruce) And of course both groups DELIGHT in seeing minority kids succeed against all odds.

But might there be some other commonality that unites these men of means and vision? It turns out that both the titans of the NFL and the plutocrats behind Education Reform, Inc. share a common dislike for overpaid employees who insist on hanging around for an entire “career,” waiting to collect a pension.

Among the sticking points in the contentions negotiations between the NFL and its referees was the owners insistence that they have more “flexibility” to fire underperforming refs. When I saw this, I understood exactly what the problem was. It turns out that LIFO lifer referees have been ruining America’s favorite pastime just the way LIFO lifer teachers have been widening the achievement gap and destroying the future of an entire generation with their low expectations.  Continue reading →

Stuff White People Like: Education Reform

One lesson made abundantly clear by the recent Chicago teachers’ strike was that our nation suffers from a dearth of African-American hedge fund managers and venture capitalists. What can we do about this shameful scourge? I have no idea, but what I do know is that the strike revealed a fascinating split along race and class lines over what white hedge fund managers like to call priming the edu-pump for future profits education reform.

The key take away: rich white people who send their kids to private schools were the only group to oppose the teachers’ strike. In other words, the very group whose children will likely grow up to become the next generation of achievement gap warriors.

Warning: I am about to use some polling data to back up my claims so those of you whose own educational prospects were damaged by having LIFO lifer teachers in public schools, or who lost valuable edu-days due to a strike will probably need to call on a tutor at this point. Continue reading →